So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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