the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
