chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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