Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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