he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
