And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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