I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
