does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
