I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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