I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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