so that wasnt chicken after all
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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