Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
