Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
