dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
