my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
