Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize