tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
