I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
