I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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