dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
