need another drink. this is the easiest way
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
