would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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