Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize