it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
