so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
