Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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