He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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