Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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