It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
