dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
