you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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