You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
