If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
