Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
