just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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