She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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