So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
