Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
