You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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