i think i have two assholes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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