I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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