after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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