I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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