Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
