shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
