She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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