i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
