Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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