It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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