no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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