Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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