I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
