I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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