Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.