Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?