That's intense
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
