I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked