I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
