Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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