In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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