We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
