So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
