Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They have beer where we have blood.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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