I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
