Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
