You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
