wanna go halves on a baby?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
