she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
