DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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