bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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