R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize