her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
