Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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