Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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