How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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