she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
