i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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