SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
