I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
