just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
