Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
