too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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