They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize